So, I'm taking a shower late at night before bed. I do my best thinking in the shower. I also have the weirdest thoughts late at night. As you can imagine, these can collide so that my mind wanders in some crazy directions.
Tonight my thoughts centered on a childhood memory. And it was all about a library card that may or may not have been eaten. I'm 95% sure it wasn't eaten, though.
You see, when I was little I had a dream that I ate a paper library card. Some of the details are fuzzier now. I think it was my library card but it could've been my brother's. Actually, it might have been my brother's now that I think about it. That would've made it worse.
I don't know why I ate said card but I do remember the dream was so vivid that I really thought it happened. I was dealing with an immense amount of shame. I mean, it's not exactly sister of the year material to eat your brother's library card. It's also a little crazy. Okay, okay, it's a lot crazy. If I did actually do it, I would definitely not want anyone to know about it. The one memory that lingers the most is my mother looking for the card as I sat there in shame, thinking I ate it.
I don't know if that last part was part of the dream or a memory, though. Did I dream that I ate the card and then my mom was looking for it or did I only dream I ate it and then was afraid I really did when my mom was looking for it in real life? I can't really say and the whole matter still makes me uncomfortable. I'm 90% sure I didn't actually eat a library card. I mean, who would DO that?!?
The funny thing is, though, if I did have this dream and didn't actually do it, why didn't I look for the library card to prove to myself that I didn't do it? Maybe I did actually eat it and there was no card to look for?
So, here I sit, 25 years or so later, 85% sure I didn't eat a library card. I suppose I could ask my mom or brother...but THAT would be crazy. They'd either think I was really crazy to have a weird dream and obsess over it for 25 years or they would discover that I did something really weird with that missing card 25 years ago.
Besides, there's no reason to keep obsessing over it. I'm 80% sure it was just a dream.
So, with that, I try to sleep and not think about burnt orange colored library cards and why I'm suddenly hungry...
Tonight my thoughts centered on a childhood memory. And it was all about a library card that may or may not have been eaten. I'm 95% sure it wasn't eaten, though.
You see, when I was little I had a dream that I ate a paper library card. Some of the details are fuzzier now. I think it was my library card but it could've been my brother's. Actually, it might have been my brother's now that I think about it. That would've made it worse.
I don't know why I ate said card but I do remember the dream was so vivid that I really thought it happened. I was dealing with an immense amount of shame. I mean, it's not exactly sister of the year material to eat your brother's library card. It's also a little crazy. Okay, okay, it's a lot crazy. If I did actually do it, I would definitely not want anyone to know about it. The one memory that lingers the most is my mother looking for the card as I sat there in shame, thinking I ate it.
I don't know if that last part was part of the dream or a memory, though. Did I dream that I ate the card and then my mom was looking for it or did I only dream I ate it and then was afraid I really did when my mom was looking for it in real life? I can't really say and the whole matter still makes me uncomfortable. I'm 90% sure I didn't actually eat a library card. I mean, who would DO that?!?
The funny thing is, though, if I did have this dream and didn't actually do it, why didn't I look for the library card to prove to myself that I didn't do it? Maybe I did actually eat it and there was no card to look for?
So, here I sit, 25 years or so later, 85% sure I didn't eat a library card. I suppose I could ask my mom or brother...but THAT would be crazy. They'd either think I was really crazy to have a weird dream and obsess over it for 25 years or they would discover that I did something really weird with that missing card 25 years ago.
Besides, there's no reason to keep obsessing over it. I'm 80% sure it was just a dream.
So, with that, I try to sleep and not think about burnt orange colored library cards and why I'm suddenly hungry...
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